Some of you may already know a great deal about the journey A and I have been on. Others may know very little, or none at all. This post, and this blog in general, is meant to help get all of us on the same page. While I love each and every one of you and value your opinions this is not the place to inflict your thoughts on our choices, especially if they are negative. Each and every step that we have taken so far on this journey has been prayerfully considered and is between A, God and myself only.
*Before reading any further you may want to check out our Infertility page for a brief overview regarding infertility etiquette and acronyms I may use throughout the blog.
So let me give you a quick recap of where we have been and where we are going:
After becoming pregnant rather quickly I found out that I had miscarried at 7 weeks. Like most first time parents who experience a loss we recieved an enormous amount of support from friends and family during such a difficult time and will be forever grateful. I struggled a lot with my feelings of loss after losing our baby but was ready to start trying to concieve again after the allotted "healing" time recommended by our OB/GYN. We were told we would probably get pregnant fairly quickly and chugged full steam ahead to no avail for several months (please see our TTC page for details). Eventually we sought the opinion of an RE. We tried various medications which obviously did not result in a pregnancy and after a bad experience with some of the staff at that particular facility decided to seek another opinion. By this time both A and I were getting pretty discouraged. However, this new RE gave us a renewed sense of hope. We tried an IUI cycle with him which failed and decided to move on to IVF. Based on my response history to the medications, our ages, and our diagnosis, this was considered the optimal approach and in the end would be more cost-effective than doing multiple IUI's. (By the way, our insurance does not cover a penny of fertility treatments, and most don't. We were, however, lucky that most of our medications were covered.) Anyways, as noted in our TTC page, our IVF cycle failed as well. We were heartbroken. IVF is expensive and while we have been truly blessed financially, without insurance coverage, it is like buying a brand new car. There are various packages many clinics offer at a discounted rate in order to try multiple IVF cycles but they are still costly and you are not guaranteed that you will bring home a baby. We opted to try one cycle and then make a decision afterwards pending the outcome. Sitting here today I can look back and say I do not regret making that decision one bit. IVF and fertility treatments can take a toll on your body physically and emotionally. During our IVF cycle I was sticking myself with 3 different needles full of hormones 3 times a day at one point in time. It is invasive, requires surgery and is a massive invasion of your privacy. Being pumped full of hormones for several weeks resulted in me not feeling like myself. I often fell asleep before 8pm, was easily agitated, tired all of the time and stressed-out beyond belief with all of the traveling to and from appointments. Sounds a bit like pregnancy right? Yes, except in the end I did not get my baby despite hundreds of needle sticks, internal ultrasounds, surgery, and a strained relationship with my husband.
I know, that was a lot of information to digest that you just read above. I feel like I could go on and on and on about our fertility treatments but that is not what this blog is about. If you have specific questions about our treatments and decisions please feel free to ask. If you are going through a similiar situation please ask me about our experience. Infertility is lonely. I didn't have any friends or family who experienced infertility to the extent that we did and rarely had anyone to confide in regarding the emotions I was feeling. I know what it feels like to be told over and over again "just relax it will happen" and how hurtful comments can be from well-meaning friends and family. You aren't alone! 1 in 6 couples experience infertility and 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage.
As mentioned above, the purpose of this blog is not for me to continuously discuss our infertility history, although certain topics regarding fertility may be the topic of a post here and there. Rather, this is meant to be a place to keep all of you up-to-date with our current decision and path towards becoming "parents on purpose". If you haven't figured it out already A and I have made the decision to pursue adoption!!! We are so excited with this decision and are elated to be sharing this news with you. As with all of the decisions we have had to make in the past 2 years regarding our journey to parenthood this is not one that we took lightly. After several months of discussions amongst ourselves, our pastor, friends who have adopted and hundreds of conversations with God we know that this is what is meant for us. We have only just started this long and emotional filled process but it already feels more "right" than anything I have ever had to endure in my 20 some years of life. I am ready to hang up the stirrups and exchange them for mounds of paperwork, interviews with social workers, meetings with birthmothers, and waiting in anticipation for our child to be welcomed home! We hope you will join us on this journey! Please check back frequently for updates on our adoption and other ramblings by myself!
