Pictures pictures and more pictures!

 

I don't feel much like writing today but wanted to share a few pictures I have taken recently. We just got a new camera so I have been playing around with it to make sure I like it.

 

 

 I LOVE fall! This is a picture of our front porch. I think fall colors are so warm and inviting.

 Our fireplace all decorated!

 

 Beautiful trees by our house!

 

 A project I decided to work on at the spur of the moment for the nursery.

 

 

 Our spoiled cats!

 

These are the pumpkins we decorated at the cookout with D & S a few Sundays ago. We had such a great time. Isn't that spider cute!

On my own

Yesterday and today I traveled to Ann Arbor, MI for a CEU course called the PLAY project (http://www.playproject.org/). I am LOVING it and learning so much. I would really like to get completely trained to be a home consultant someday. The energy the doctor has who developed this program is amazing. The research is out there that it works and it gives me hope that all children with Autism can improve their social skills and participate in our world someday.

I have had a great time getting to spend some alone time in the car, learn something new and sit in a cute little cafe drinking a cafe mocha while I wait for the second day of my class to begin. However, I miss my husband. I didn't realize how much time we truly have been spending together lately until this morning when I missed his voice. Since the beginning of our infertility journey we have traveled to countless appointments together and since April we have been fully consumed in the adoption process. Throughout all of this I don't think I can remember a time I really was without him. I am so grateful to God this morning for blessing me with such a strong and loving husband. Infertility and adoption are not for the faint of heart. It tests the strongest of marriages. Our trial is not over and probably never will be but God has shown me what the power of prayer can do. He has given me everything I need and one of the most faithful shoulders to lean on that this earth can provide. I love you Aaron! Thank you for your patience and being willing to stick through this journey of life with me.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials; knowing this that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, lacking in nothing." James 1: 2-4

Quick update

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. We made the most of our two days off by bouncing between our house, my parents house and visiting the expectant/birth parents (because I am tired of writing that I will be referring to them as D & S) at their house. Yes, it was another whirlwind of a weekend but worth it!

My sister, Laura, traveled with us to see D and S, meet their daughters and D's mom and grandma. It was such a beautiful day. D went above and beyond for the cookout! I made this amazing dessert. We ate great food, carved pumpkins, watched football, chatted, and played outside. It is still so amazing to me how comfortable I feel with them and their family as I get to know them. D's belly continues to grow each time we see her. She is such a great mother and S is such a great father to their girls. We continue to hope and pray for this adoption to go smoothly, for our relationship with D and S to continue to grow, for a healthy baby girl to be born in a few months, and for God's guiding hand throughout it all.

No Regrets!

I just experienced one of the most powerful and moving testimonies of faith tonight. Aaron and I attended a parish gathering again tonight and were blessed to hear this amazing man speak. Robert Rogers is a name I had never heard of until tonight but his life and his faith were changed in such a profound way 9 years ago that you MUST listen to and read about his story. He lives by the motto "know God, no regrets". I don't think 2 years ago I could say I knew God and had no regrets but today I believe I am living my life in such a way and am so grateful to our Lord above. I even say so in the first paragraph of my last blog post. God is funny that way. I feel at such a loss for words this evening and feel so blessed to have been a part of this experience tonight.

I have been wanting to write a new post the last few nights but have been going to bed early so this will have to do for now. I had a wonderful conversation with our birthmother last week. She had another baby appointment. All is well despite having to be poked multiple times to have blood work completed (poor girl!). We are visiting with more of their family and meeting her mom and grandma. I am ecstatic. She talks about her "Gram" all of the time. We are planning to have a cookout with lots of yummy food and carve pumpkins. A messy but fun idea and a chance to show off our creative sides!

We have also been busily making list after list of baby names recently and finally have it narrowed down to a select few. The birthfather asked us how our list was coming along so we sent them what we had so far, noting our particular favorite. He LOVED it. God's hand is, and has truly been, at work throughout this journey. I couldn't have come up with a better plan myself!

A journey not a destination!

A few weeks ago Aaron and I were talking about what the last year of our life has looked like. During that conversation Aaron asked me if I regret any of the decisions we have made along the way, specifically IVF. While I struggled with this decision when we were making it I feel I can honestly say now that I have no regrets. Had we not embarked on that specific leg of our journey I don't know if we would be where we are today. After our failed IVF everything for this adoption has fallen into place.

I have been meeting with a group of wonderful women monthly, several who are Catholic. When sharing my story I knew I needed to include our failed IVF but was nervous at their reactions. However, they reacted with such grace that at first I thought they didn't hear me right. This made me realize that I have probably been making myself feel like other Catholic women, and Catholics in general, would shun me as soon as finding out what I had done.

We talked for a few minutes about IVF and other fertility procedures. It was amazing to me to find out that like me, they all see it as part of a plan, God's plan. What is right for one person/couple, may not be for another. IVF felt right to Aaron and I. We felt strongly that we had to try one time before stopping treatments. It gave both of us peace to see the embryos we created, even though we only had them for a brief period of time. Our faith was in God during the procedure. Faith that he would guide our doctor's hands. I think that faith makes all of the difference.

Another question was posed to me recently. I was asked how to not get attached to a child before adoption is finalized. My answer was, "that's not possible". At least not for me. I am a love with all your heart type of girl. The moment that pregnancy test read positive I fell in love with our child, the second our doctor handed over pictures of the embryos we created together I became attached and loved with all my heart. As soon as I recieved the phone call from our agency that a set of expectant parents wanted to meet us, a flicker of love began. It grew after meeting the expectant parents for the first time and has continued to grow as I realize their love for their child and their reasons for making an adoption plan. The one thing I want this precious little girl to know from her very first breath is how LOVED she is. No matter how short or how long of a time I get to love it does not matter. This is part of our journey of life and I am going to live it up and love with all my heart!

"Life is a journey, not a destination."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good Morning!

I have been up for well over an hour now! It is Sunday morning and I am not entirely sure why I am up so early. I am not even up this early during the week on some days. Nothing in particular seemed to wake me. Usually if I wake up early it is because the cats are bothering me for food or I have to use the restroom, but today the house was peaceful and I sure felt comfy in my bed.

Nevertheless, I am awake. Awake enough to start a load of laundry or go to the gym. As I walked out to our living room I remembered a blog post from another woman saying that when she wakes early she uses it as a time to spend with God. So since it is way to cold out this morning to do anything but sit on the couch with my robe, a blanket, and a cup of coffee that is what I did.

I opened my bible to 1 Peter and just started reading. However, I  wasn't feeling connected to the scriptures or to God so I prayed, well more like started talking out loud, to God (it is a good thing Aaron is still in bed lol). I asked God to show me/tell me what he wanted me to know this morning. So I closed my Bible, closed my eyes and just let it fall open to any old page. The page that it landed on I would start reading until I felt my prayer had been answered. When I opened my eyes it was on page 848 which was the ending of Jeremiah 28 and the beginning of Jeremiah 29. So I picked up at Jeremiah 29 and started to read and came to the ever famous scripture verse "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). I knew this is what God had intended me to see. Even though I have seen it and read it many times before it caused my heart to stir, open up and the rest of my prayers this morning came easy.

Although I often say this verse to myself multiple times throughout the month when I am feeling anxious about anything, reading it this morning was a nice reminder that God truly means what he says. Struggling with infertility can make you feel punished by God, like you did something wrong in your former life and now deserve to be barren forever. Afterall, aren't children a blessing from God, and isn't having children what God intended married couples to do? If we can't have children then God must be punishing us in some way, right? For two years this thought has often crept into my head! This particular scripture verse has been a lifesaver to me. I know we talked about it in school when I was younger but until my sister-in-law reminded me of it after our miscarriage I hadn't given it much thought (Praise be to God for putting certain people in your life, thank you Jamie!). It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this promise from our Father and some days I still find myself struggling. It helps for me to think that this season of suffering through infertility and waiting throughout this adoption process is just that, a "season", a period of time that is all part of God's plan.

Weekend update!

This week has really gotten away from me. I wanted to post earlier in the week about our awesome weekend but have had so much to catch up on here at home after getting home from work that by the time I sit down to blog I fall asleep on the couch lol! I even tried to stay awake for the debate last night but only made it to a few banters back and forth regarding healthcare before passing out!

We got together again with the birthparents this past weekend and also met their children. What sweet and fun girls they have! We took several pictures as they were okay with it and even encouraged us to share them. While I would love to post them I still feel I need not cross that line and respect their privacy at this time by only sharing with family and friends in person. We had such a great time getting to know each other. It is amazing to me how natural this feels despite how nervous I always seem to be before a meeting. We enjoyed some of the nice weather last weekend by spending some time outside at a park and then having dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese. It was a great day overall. I can't say enough about the birthparents. They are amazing individuals for sure and wise beyond their years. I can't help but feel so blessed by God for this opportunity.

Only 3 more months until the baby is here! I am so excited but anxious about how the time in the hospital will unfold. I am sure the birthparents feel similiar and just hope that all of our time spent getting to know eachother will help us all along that particular leg of this journey.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6