A journey not a destination!

A few weeks ago Aaron and I were talking about what the last year of our life has looked like. During that conversation Aaron asked me if I regret any of the decisions we have made along the way, specifically IVF. While I struggled with this decision when we were making it I feel I can honestly say now that I have no regrets. Had we not embarked on that specific leg of our journey I don't know if we would be where we are today. After our failed IVF everything for this adoption has fallen into place.

I have been meeting with a group of wonderful women monthly, several who are Catholic. When sharing my story I knew I needed to include our failed IVF but was nervous at their reactions. However, they reacted with such grace that at first I thought they didn't hear me right. This made me realize that I have probably been making myself feel like other Catholic women, and Catholics in general, would shun me as soon as finding out what I had done.

We talked for a few minutes about IVF and other fertility procedures. It was amazing to me to find out that like me, they all see it as part of a plan, God's plan. What is right for one person/couple, may not be for another. IVF felt right to Aaron and I. We felt strongly that we had to try one time before stopping treatments. It gave both of us peace to see the embryos we created, even though we only had them for a brief period of time. Our faith was in God during the procedure. Faith that he would guide our doctor's hands. I think that faith makes all of the difference.

Another question was posed to me recently. I was asked how to not get attached to a child before adoption is finalized. My answer was, "that's not possible". At least not for me. I am a love with all your heart type of girl. The moment that pregnancy test read positive I fell in love with our child, the second our doctor handed over pictures of the embryos we created together I became attached and loved with all my heart. As soon as I recieved the phone call from our agency that a set of expectant parents wanted to meet us, a flicker of love began. It grew after meeting the expectant parents for the first time and has continued to grow as I realize their love for their child and their reasons for making an adoption plan. The one thing I want this precious little girl to know from her very first breath is how LOVED she is. No matter how short or how long of a time I get to love it does not matter. This is part of our journey of life and I am going to live it up and love with all my heart!

"Life is a journey, not a destination."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson