This is my first post in months. I warned all of you of my hiatus back in November but I am glad to be back. A lot has happened in the last few months. Rather than one big summary I have been secretly documenting the events leading up to today...
November 2013-
This month came and went fairly uneventfully. Thankful for our many blessings in 2013.
December 2013-
While this month was busier with Christmas, birthdays, and what not it was also fairly uneventful in my eyes.
January 3, 2014-
Pre-op visit with my NaPro Dr. for my laproscopy January 13th. All is set and right on track. I am a little nervous to have this surgery done but know it is a necessary step in hopefully determining my bizarre cycle symptoms. I have been continuing progesterone supplements without any trouble and seeing a difference in myself (i.e. cycle regulating, less moody, etc.) which is exciting.
January 4, 2014-
Alexa's 1st birthday party! We had so much fun and could hardly believe our baby girl would be 1 in a few short days. Experience my first indication something is different this month as I am the only one in my parents' house that can smell something awful and start gagging. Brush it off and move on with the day. My period is also two days late but I am not convinced that it means anything.
January 5, 2014-
Winter weather advisory is announced. Pretty certain school will be cancelled. Decide it is probably a good idea to go buy a pregnancy test in case we get stuck in our house for a few days.
January 6, 2014-
Glad I bought those pregnancy tests because it is a winter wonderland. Still not convinced enough to test.
January 7, 2014-
Alexa's 1st birthday! Finally decide I better take a pregnancy test in case I am pregnant and need to start extra progesterone supplementation. IT'S POSITIVE!! We are in a state of shock and disbelief. I start further progesterone suppositories at night per doctor recommendation. My surgery for the 13th is obviously cancelled!
January 8-February 16, 2014-
Begin to experience a variety of emotions and FEAR that this pregnancy will end in miscarriage too. Also experience some spotting several times. Despite this at ~6 week pregnant an early ultrasound reveals a baby with a flickering heartbeat. Have another ultrasound at ~8 weeks. Baby still looks great with a heartbeat. The morning (more like "all day") sickness has set in and really has me discouraged. Many foods I find aversive and often gag at various smells. On top of that I caught a stomach bug, as did Alexa (note-it is no fun cleaning up a vomiting toddler at 2 in the morning). Sometime in mid-January I learn I need extra progesterone supplementation and start twice weekly progesterone injections (PAINFUL!!!!!). Worry every day about the health and growth of this baby. Check for spotting at least 20 times a day! Pray, pray, pray and worry, worry worry...Trying to live a normal life as much as possible but can't help but feel discouraged at times that my world has been turned upside down. I am getting frustrated that my hips/butt hurts so bad from the injections that I can hardly sleep, walk or play with my baby girl. Keeping this secret is starting to get to me so we tell a few family members and co-workers who we would want to know right away if something did not go right. At times I wonder if the morning sickness is real or if it is just my worrying that has my stomach upset (probably both).
February 17, 2014-
Experienced a very strange "sick" feeling. Although I had felt this way before a few times this was more intense. I was jittery like I had drank a large cup of coffee, felt sick to my stomach and was very weak. Is this all in my head? Am I having a panic attack? Is this just really bad pregnancy sickness? I wasn't sure and still don't know. What I do know is I have a miscarriage and infertility to blame for my anxiety. However, I am not doing a very good job of controlling it. This is all out of my control, whatever happens, and I need to remember that. I pray all day, every day for this peace but love this baby so much already it is devastating to think about losing it.
February 18, 2014-
School is cancelled yet again due to snow. Feeling better today. Having some anxiety about our ultrasound tomorrow. Will the baby still have a heartbeat? Did I already miscarry? How can I get these thoughts to go away? This is what pregnancy after infertility does to you. You doubt your body, you doubt that anything pregnancy related will go right for you. So many negative tests, so many medications, so many years of let downs. Dear God, please let this baby be big, strong and healthy. You are in control of this. Whatever the outcome, it is in your hands and I know you will give me the strength to get through it.
February 19-March 3, 2014-
We saw baby wiggling around again with a strong heartbeat. Deep sigh of relief for now! My "morning" sickness continues and the pain from the progesterone injections (still having to continue twice a week-next blood draw is March 11th) is wearing on me. I can't sleep well at night because of the pain in my hips from the injections and forget my usual stomach sleeping as my belly is visibly growing. This is all very surreal to me. As I edge closer and closer to the end of the first trimester I pray harder and harder to feel better. I want to enjoy this pregnancy (anxiety and all) but nausea and severe pain are making it near impossible. A few days of relief from the all day sickness are very welcomed around the same time I get a call that my iron levels are slightly low. I start a new prenatal vitamin and iron supplements. BAM! More nausea. Was it the new pills? Just a coincidence? I am so thankful for this life growing inside of me but I want so badly to have some relief. Aaron has been amazing and doing twice the amount of work he usually does around the house. This is hard as I am not one to just lay around and do nothing but I have started to give in. Dear God, please take this sick feeling and pain away from me soon. Give me the strength to endure whatever is left of it and keep this baby healthy and strong.
March 4-March 18, 2014-
Still pregnant, still sick, still vomiting, still in pain from my injections, still weak and still tired. Work is so hard and I am pretty sure Alexa has watched Baby Einstein over 100 times in the last month.
March 19, 2014-
I am 15 weeks pregnant! Heard the baby's strong heartbeat today. Found out a few days ago I have to continue my progesterone injections twice a week. I want nothing more than to stop these. They are so painful and make sleep near impossible. Still nauseous some days and so tired I can hardly get out of bed on others. Does this ever go away? I am really becoming negative about everything pregnancy related and can tell it is all wearing on my family.
March 20-24, 2014-
I am still feeling sick several days a week and dream of the day I will enjoy food and company again. However, I have recently had a revelation that I can't continue to mope about this. Yes, when I don't feel good I have every right to lay in bed and maybe shed a tear or two but I am going to try really hard to count my blessings. Despite still being nauseated at times, finding some foods aversive (although I never really know what it will be and when), and barely being able to lift my head off a pillow some afternoons, I am slowly discovering that I have more hours of feeling good than bad. I can stomach a larger variety of foods. God has provided help when we have needed it. Alexa has been a big helper and can play independently on days when it is necessary. I am on spring break this week (this means Alexa is still going to the sitter and I can get some extra rest in). Warmer days are coming and this always improves my mood in general. We have finally let more than a handful of people know we are expecting (such a big weight off my shoulders).
I never knew pregnancy could make a person feel so awful (then again I hadn't recently thought of being pregnant at all). It is tough having to watch others care for my family, let housework slide, and not give work 100% of my effort. However, this is life right now and I am going to choose to rejoice no matter what.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice." Phil. 4: 4
March 25, 2014-
I am rejoicing in the fact that I went all morning and afternoon yesterday feeling pretty good! In the evening some of the nausea and fatigue came back but it was such a welcomed relief from what I had been experiencing. Maybe this is a good sign? I have to go get more blood work done today to check my progesterone levels. I am really hoping my levels have risen so I can cut back on the shots. My hips are so sore and it would be nice to know my body is doing what it is supposed to do. If not I will keep trucking along with a lovely limp. Praying at the very least that my levels have not decreased.
March 26-April 9, 2014-
I am 18 weeks! WOW!
Well my levels didn't decrease or increase last time..they stayed the same. This meant I had to keep doing the shots. Somehow the last several weeks they have not been as painful. However, I seem to always feel "off" the day or two after the shots (tired, achey, etc.). I had blood work done again April 8th. Here's to hoping for better news!
I have been feeling better (decrease in nausea but HELLO heartburn). Evenings are the hardest for me. After getting up at 5:30, working all day, and helping to entertain Alexa I am just exhausted. Some nights I can't even muster up enough energy to help put her to bed (this seems worse the day or two after my shots). So thankful for the wonderful husband I have!
I think I have been feeling movement from the baby. Sometimes it feels like tiny bubbles or flutters..or maybe just gas? hahaha We have an appointment in two weeks to find out the sex of the baby. We will be finding out and sharing. This has been a crazy journey and we are ready to announce the details!
April 10-April 23, 2014-
20 weeks pregnant today!
I am officially feeling better (please Lord let it stay this way). I rarely feel nauseated and my energy levels are better (pretty certain I will be more tired this entire pregnancy but at least I am not falling asleep an hour after I wake up). I have some heartburn which is more annoying than anything but at this point more tolerable than the first trimester. I am definitely feeling the baby move which is awesome but strange at the same time! Aaron has even been able to feel movement on the outside! Still doing my injections (yuck!) Last blood draw my levels went up quite a bit but still in the same zone that indicates I have to keep following the same protocol. I had blood drawn yesterday and as always I am hoping they have risen so I can decrease the dosage (praying praying praying the levels have not decreased). We have an ultrasound on the 25th. We will find out if it is a boy or girl. I am a little anxious and really just want to see a big, strong, healthy baby more than anything. Looking forward to this milestone and what is yet to come.
April 25, 2014
IT'S A GIRL!
Our ultrasound went great and baby is looking good. Estimated due date is still September 10, 2014. We feel so blessed to have come this far and we are so excited for Alexa to have a little sister. She is going to be a wonderful big sister! Ready or not we not really need to start thinking about getting things together for this baby. This has really been a crazy roller coaster ride. I hope you can all keep up. I will try to continue to post updates as I can.
