We decided that we need to get moving on finding a crib and a few other furniture essentials for sure. We will be borrowing a bassinet from a family member but purchasing the crib, changing table, etc. on our own. I was still having reservations about starting the nursery until Wednesday when our agency ALREADY contacted us about a potential birthmother. For several items on our child preference sheet we checked "will consider" and because of this when a new birthmother contacts the agency and it somewhat fits our profile but we have "will consider" the agency sends us some basic information about the situation and asks us if it is okay if our profile book is shown. In situations in which we are a better match based on our preferences we won't be asked and our profile book will just be shown and if the birthmother likes us we will get a call! Anyways this was one of the first situations so we were given some background information about the birthmother and how the baby is doing to date. It is a baby boy who is due on August 3rd! However, there were a few "sticky" situations and issues that we had to discuss amongst ourselves before giving the green light to the agency for our profile book to be shown. After talking about it, praying about it, seeking the advice from our pediatrician, family doctor, OB/GYN and a P.A. whom I work with and is an adoptive parent herself we have decided to forego this specific situation. It was tough to make this decision but we know it was the right one. Neither one of us felt entirely comfortable with the situation from the get-go but wanted to make sure we did the appropriate research. We know this baby boy will be placed with parents who will be able to care for him in a way that we did not feel we even could. Turning down this potential match was harder than I thought it would be, even considering all of the "sticky" situations that could have potentially come with it. In a way I felt like we were losing a baby all over again. Last night and this morning were tough because it was hard to understand why God would put us through such a crazy emotional roller-coaster already but looking back on the past few hours and days I can now piece together his plan.
I have been so hesitant about starting a nursery until this situation came about but because it did I feel much more comfortable making sure we at least get somewhat of a head start. This made me realize that our match and placement could happen a lot quicker than what we might think and has put me more at ease with our decision to start preparing for our child. When I got home from work today I knew that we would be contacting our agency to let them know we did not want to be considered for this situation and it was a long ride home. Several times I could feel tears forming at the thought that we were letting another child go but then I opened my mailbox and one piece of mail (thanks Jen & Andy) solidified that this all happened as part of a bigger plan.
Somehow, someway a very thoughtful card made it to my house today, when I needed it most. I am pretty sure I have never told these friends of mine my favorite scripture verse, and one that I repeat often to myself most days, but God knows and worked through my dear friends to let me know that his plan for me is GOOD and when the timing is right we will welcome our baby home.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
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