Give Thanks & Take A Break!

So…we have a plan! Yay! I am a planner and organizer by nature but much of my life the last 4 1/2 years has not gone as "planned". Therefore, I say that we have a plan very loosely. In all reality, whatever happens, happens, but at least we have an idea of what our future may look like.

We are 95% positive we will be staying in our current town. It just works for us. Sure I would love to live closer to a larger city with quicker access to shopping, restaurants and whatever my little heart desires but I grew up in a small town (actually smaller) and I think I turned out just fine! Right now we are still awaiting official quotes from our builder but do have several lots picked out if this is the direction we decide to take. If the quotes come back in our range then we will purchase a lot. If not we will continue to house hunt in the area and/or consider adding onto our existing home. Our house is officially for sale and we have already had a showing. The open house is a few weeks away. If we cannot sell our house by April it will come off the market for the time being and we will be pursuing adoption #2. If it does sell our plans to adopt will be put on hold until we build our home or find a house that suits us.

In the meantime, we are soaking up lots of time with our sweet little blessing who is WALKING. Oh my goodness she is on the move. I am pretty sure she does not stop all day except to nap and sleep at night. I love it despite how exhausted I am by the time she goes to bed. I can't believe she will turn ONE in January!

I would also like to let all my loyal readers know that I will be taking a break from blogging for a bit. I feel it is so important that I keep this blog going as a support for those struggling with infertility and prospective adoptive parents but with the craziness of the holidays it is just one more thing to think about. I want to focus on my family and myself. In January I am having a surgery to rule out some health reasons for our difficulty conceiving. I need to focus on my health and well-being and will be back in February to update you all on our whereabouts! Any and all prayers for a smooth and successful surgery are greatly appreciated!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month. It also happens to be one of my busiest months at work for the school year (thank goodness for Thanksgiving and Christmas Break!). I just wanted to write a quick post making sure to mention this for all of my friends who may not be aware of such a special month. Help spread the awareness of adoption, open adoption and everything adoption related. We are so blessed by adoption but there is so little awareness of what adoption is like for those in our generation.

By the way, no exciting news (yet) regarding our possible move, house building/searching, second adoption etc. Basic plans are in the works but we continue to wait for God's perfect timing. Any prayers are greatly appreciated for guidance in such life changing decisions!

Mirror Mirror

I have had something on my heart for quite some time now and feel I need to get it out in the open. This is not meant to offend anyone who may have said this directly to me or Aaron or have thought this very thing. Rather, it is just my way of letting you all know how I (I should include Aaron in this as well) feel regardless of what may be.

Since bringing Alexa home (seriously I think we heard this phrase the 1st week she was in our home) I hardly go a few weeks without hearing, "she looks just like you" or "she looks just like Aaron". While I am very flattered considering I think Alexa is a beautiful little girl, whether or not she looks like me makes no difference. When we decided to adopt we went into the process with an open heart and open mind. Alexa could have jet black hair and dark skin, look absolutely nothing like me, and I would love her just the same. Some parents' biological children are a mirror image of them and others are complete individuals from head to toe. It is the same in an adoption but the LOVE is just the same!

I think many people who have not struggled with infertility, let alone have not gone through an adoption, do not understand that it is not about who looks like who. Many times I feel someone is trying to make me feel better about our "situation". We are proud of who Alexa is, who we are as a family, who her birth family is, and that she was adopted. I think many adoptive parents would say the same. She will grow up knowing who her birth parents are and that she looks very much like them as well. The fact that she resembles us may deter questions such as, "well why do I have dark/light skin and you don't?", that many interracial families have to answer but we will still get questions about her adoption. It is a part of who she is and as her parents we want to instill a type of confidence in her surrounding her adoption. It is not a taboo subject in our household. While some adoptive parents will not agree with being open about telling her adoption story to random people (now I don't tell everyone I meet in the grocery store haha) we want Alexa to grow up knowing that we view her adoption as a wonderful part of her life and ours.

Speaking of Miss Alexa, she just turned 9 months old this week and is into everything!

Seeing through the fog!

I had my first cancellation today from work for awful, dense fog! I am not complaining by any means but a delay would have been just fine. However, it worked out because Miss Alexa has a slight cold and is very congested. Though she sleeps okay at the babysitters I know she will get better rest at home.

September pretty much came and went in the blink of an eye for us. I am feeling more comfortable at work but know I will continue to learn as the year goes on. We finally made it to Sauder Village for their Apple Butter Days this past weekend which was a lot of fun. We are not much closer to a decision regarding moving but have met with several builders and are waiting to hear on our quotes. What we hear back will determine if we move/build now and adopt again a little later or adopt again sooner and move/build a little later. It is hard to stay patient during all of this but staying patient lifted us out of the fog and brought us great joy before. I can't wait to see what it will do again!

A tough job!

I had forgot how stressful starting a new job could be! All the new policies, procedures, staff, children, buildings, etc. etc. Oh I can't forget paperwork right ugh the bane of my existence. I am pretty sure whoever came up with the idea of documentation didn't actually have to do it!

I am still trying to get the hang of our new routine that's for sure. It has been great getting home earlier but I also leave the house earlier. Although we have been going non-stop on little sleep since Alexa was born it has been exhausting going non-stop from 5:30 am until about 8:30 pm every day. I have a new found appreciation for what my parents did for me growing up.  Just wanted to say thank you mom and dad. Being a parent is a tough job!

"Gotcha Day"

As promised here is a picture of us at the adoption finalization the beginning of this month. The judge was great! He was really a wonderful man and made all our nerves disappear the second he walked into the room. He told us to sit back and relax! Really? I could hardly believe it! Not anything like I expected. It was very welcomed, however, after having to get up really early to drive to court with a 6 month old who then refused to nap in the car. As usual though she stole the judges heart and was as sweet as ever! After court we went out to eat with our support system for the day :) It was a wonderful, simple celebration. We plan to make it a tradition every year on August 1st to do something as a family. As Alexa gets older we will let her choose what we do that day whether it be going to a special restaurant, getting ice cream, or hanging out at the zoo. We also bought her a charm bracelet that will obviously not fit her until she is much older but every August we hope to let her pick out a new charm to add to it. Her first charm is just a simple heart with her name and the finalization date. We will choose a charm for the first few years and then let it up to her from there. Looking forward to celebrating her "gotcha day" for years to come!

Busy Busy Busy

I am going to apologize now for my lack of posts recently and in the next month. I have officially started my new job, we are in the process of deciding whether or not we need to move, and I can't forget about our wonderful, 7-month old daughter who is days away from crawling! Therefore, my house is a mess and I spend most of my time continuing to baby proof our home. On top of all of that craziness we have all had a fabulous summer cold (this means absolutely no sleep in our house), endured two trips to the vet and possibly have to put down our 2-year old beautiful cat. Hence this may be why I am on the verge of losing my mind. Life has been good but busy and crazy. So crazy that I forgot to let all of you know that we did indeed finalize the adoption!!!! YAY!!! We had an awesome judge. We were his last case before retiring after 40 years. He was beyond excited and court was a very laid-back experience! I hope to have more time some evening to document about that experience and share pictures but life is calling so until next time....

6 months! What a blessing!

Every day I see this cute little plaque hanging in my daughter's room. It was a gift from her birth family for her Baptism and every day I  think how true this statement is about this beautiful little girl who was brought into our lives through adoption. It is a wonderful reminder that many of our blessings come through our most difficult trials!

So quick warning...below you will see a few adorable pictures. I know I know I could write about something more interesting but since my daughter was adopted I feel I can boast a bit about how cute she is. After all, I really can't take any of the credit for her looks!! Last week we had her 6 month pictures taken (Thank you Heather!). 6 months! Where has the time gone! Alexa has truly been a JOY and a BLESSING!

 She is such a happy baby!

 Telling us how it is...her little personality is sure starting to show!

What a doll baby! Can't get over her blue eyes!

The date is set...

AUGUST 1, 2013

ADOPTION FINALIZATION!

We will be heading to court early that morning to become Alexa's legal adoptive parents!

Wordless!

I've been finding myself at a loss for words lately. I want to write and would love to write more often but my thoughts are foggy. I have been facing this same issue with prayer as well. I know I should pray, I want to pray, but only a few words come to mind or none at all. Why? I am chalking it up to the fact that life has been one big whirlwind the last 6 months. A WONDERFUL whirlwind but crazy nonetheless! I have plenty of things to think about, stress about, etc. etc. I don't want to add feeling bad about my lack of "good" prayers too. Then I came across this last Tuesday when I did have time to breathe for a few minutes...

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will (Romans 8: 26-27). "

You mean I can still communicate with the Lord without speaking? I am pretty sure I let out a big deep breath after reading these scripture verses. I felt myself relax a bit and worry less because God had just reassured me that even in my weakness and when I am at my most vulnerable in life his love and concern for me is beyond my understanding. This was such a profound idea to me because if any of you are like me when I am struggling with something in life  I feel like I need to pray immediately so that God knows what I am thinking. However, during those difficult times or crazy times I am often at a loss for words and become frustrated. Thank you Father for your gracious gift of your Holy Spirit!

Ah...summer!

Well I am officially done with my job at the hospital and will be starting at my new job in a few weeks! I am really looking forward to it but starting to get a little nervous as well. Last week we took a vacation to a small lake in Indiana called Lake Pleasant. Growing up my family often went on vacations near the water. We would go fishing, take numerous boat rides. tubing, water skiing, camp fires, etc. It was a very relaxing week overall except for the minor fact that my dad ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis. Thank you to all those who prayed for a quick recovery. He is already out of the hospital and doing much better. I will post again real soon but the little one is waking up from her nap so today I will leave you with our week in review via pictures...

Oh and someone recently turned 6 months too!! Check out her sitting skills!!

Unanswered Questions

I only have 2 weeks left at my current job. 2 WEEKS! A month and a  half ago I didn't think that leaving my current job was even possible. Alexa's adoption isn't even finalized, I am a new and frazzled mother of a 5 month old, and I enjoy what I do overall so the thought wasn't much more than just a thought not long ago. Then God moved a few mountains, worked on my heart and here I am, starting a new job that I am already ecstatic about in August! I am going to get to spend more time with my daughter and doing other things I love, a dream that I have always had when envisioning my life in the future.

I have finally found a bit more balance in my prayer life since bringing Alexa home and am welcoming the bits of quiet time I get to spend with God. I still find myself questioning God at times and asking him "what next?" I am an impatient person if you didn't know this already. It is a big struggle of mine. I always want to be one step ahead but God has made me open my eyes to the realization that no matter how far ahead I think I am he is the one in control!

As my last day draws near Aaron and I have been asking ourselves many big questions. Do we move a bit closer to work?, Do we build or buy a home?, Do we want to adopt again (ok this one is already answered, YES!)?, How soon do we adopt again?, Do we try more fertility treatments again? Do we have the money to adopt again, to build a home, to follow our dreams?  So many unanswered questions but I know God has this under control I just need to listen and move in the direction he tells my heart to move.

On a lighter note here are a few pictures from the past few weeks:

 So happy to be 5 months old!

 Favorite time of the day...BATH TIME!

Happy 1st Father's Day Aaron. I always knew you would make one amazing daddy. 

Trying sweet potatoes for the first time!

Emotional Debt?

Wow it has been awhile since my last post! The weeks have been flying by lately! Alexa continues to reach milestone after milestone. We recently introduced her to her first solid food and so far so good! It is amazing how quickly babies learn new things. I think almost every day I notice her doing something new.

I haven't had a chance to upload new pictures to my computer the past few weeks but did want to share this awesome article from author and adoptive father, Russell Elkins:

http://adoptionvoicesmagazine.com/parents-perspective/emotional-debt-in-open-adoption/#.UbkScxa9bFI

Every day, no matter how tired or discouraged I might be, I feel immensely blessed to have Alexa in my life. However, seeing my daughter smile and reach for me (her mommy!) came at a cost (and no I am not talking about a dollar amount). This is one fact that will never change. Just like Russell, Aaron and I are forever in debt to Alexa's birthparents for allowing us to have our dream of parenthood, and to be called mommy and daddy, come true. We love them and they have become a part of our family. This concept is hard for many people I talk to about our adoption to understand and a better topic for another time. Regardless, this life that I am living now brings me so much joy and happiness and in the end that is what matters, not how my family was formed or who is a part of it day to day.

Milestones

I have many updates since the last time I posted. First of all I want to share some of the pictures from Alexa's Baptism last weekend. Even though it was hot everything went well. We did discover that despite going to daycare, having numerous visits from all sorts of people since she was born and traveling all over the state already at only 4 months old, Miss Alexa is a little shy of strangers. That coupled with the fact that she is definitely going through some sort of developmental phase and we had one upset baby several times throughout the day. However, she charmed everyone at the church by LOVING the water being poured over her head and smiling at her daddy!

As I said before, we have known the last few weeks that something was up with Alexa. I have researched something called the Wonder Weeks (based on a book) since Alexa was born and she has pretty much fit each predicted fussy week perfectly. This happened to be Wonder Week 19 (please cue the dramatic music here) and we checked off all of the signs exactly: loss of appetite, sleep regression, clingy, demands more attention, shy around unfamiliar people, etc. Oftentimes these Wonder Weeks lead up to a new developmental milestone (i.e. cooing, discovering hands/feet) which in Alexa's case was ROLLING OVER!!! This evening after Aaron laid her down on her tummy, for the first time ever she immediately flipped over to her back. As this Wonder Week comes to a close her appetite is slowly coming back, she is sleeping better and new milestones are revealing themselves. It hasn't been easy, especially on mom and dad haha but so worth it to see these new discoveries.

In other news I have made a big decision to take a new job at a local school as their Speech-Language Pathologist. I will be starting in the fall. While sad to leave all my co-workers at the hospital I am looking forward to this new change and what it has to offer for my family!! Wish me luck!!

4 months old!

Alexa is such a happy baby! I can't believe how fast four months has gone by. She is definitely a daddy's girl, loves to put just about anything in her mouth, recently discovered she has feet and steals just about everyone's heart she meets. We have her Baptism this weekend and we are looking forward to spending lots of time with family, including getting to see Alexa's birth family. Here's to hoping for good weather this weekend!

Exhausted!

I'm exhausted! That was exactly what I was thinking when I finally came home this evening. Many people, most people, with and without children, feel this way often. I was so delighted to come across today's Girlfriend In God devotional. I can't get over how fitting it was for my exact feelings today. However, I really shouldn't be surprised. I know God works in amazing and awe-inspiring ways. While getting my haircut tonight, exhausted, hungry and really wanting my bed I saw a new friend I only met a week ago walk through the doors. Just a week ago I was praying for her. More specifically I was praying she would find a job. Come to find out 3 days after we met, 3 days after myself and several others began to pray for her, a job opportunity arose. Now, she is completing her first full week at her new job! AMAZING! I am pretty sure my jaw fell straight to the floor when I found out. Praise the Lord!

Our Miracle

Well happy May everyone! The weather has been really beautiful here. We have been able to enjoy it some but it is hard when we don't get home until after 5, need to get dinner ready and before we know it, it is time to start getting Alexa ready for bed. Hoping to get out for a walk today sometime together! I also haven't had much time to do my daily reflections and I sure am missing them. I have tried getting up a little earlier, staying up a little later, put off housework etc. but it just seems that no matter what something gets in the way. My little love bug is napping already this morning as she was up very early today. We had to switch formula again for various reasons I won't go into. I think it is making her gassy as she was up and down all night which is very unusual for her.

(By the way any other moms out their have a 4 month old who will only nap in their swing? We have tried multiple times to get her to nap in her crib during the day but we only get 30 minutes out of her no matter what and then she is crabby the rest of the day. She sleeps perfect in her crib at night! Any ideas are welcomed. At the moment I am taking what I can get otherwise it just makes our weekends miserable. I know she won't nap in her swing forever and that eventually she is going to want more room to spread out just like she did for night sleep. However, it is hard to get anything done around the house with a baby sleeping in a swing. She does sleep through most noise but I think you get the point that we would like for her to be in her room.)

Anyways, I am thanking God this morning for this moment of reflection as it has felt like we have gone too long without a good conversation. Since Alexa was up so early and is already napping Aaron said he would go to the grocery store early so we could spend more time together today. So I am sitting in peace and quiet at the moment, taking this God-filled moment in. This week I was very happy to know that my blog continues to intrigue others and is being used to help and educate other couples struggling with infertility. Although that was not the main purpose when I started this blog it has become a place that many are telling me they feel like they can go and not feel alone. My mom texted me on Monday I think it was for the web address again. She was at work and got to talking with one of her patients about her family. Come to find out one of her children and their spouse was having trouble conceiving. My mom shared our story and the woman asked for this web address to share it with her daughter. This made me smile and I hope this particular woman is reading my blog as we speak.  While adoption may not be for everyone I hope it helps her find hope and comfort. We are part of an ever-growing issue that is still very much taboo and misunderstood at times and need to stick together. If I had to tell her one thing it is that no matter how her future children come to her or what her future brings, God does not make mistakes and every step along what may seem a torturous journey is worth the miracle at the end.

Moments to Remember!

This blog post if for my grandfather who I know checks my blog for updates regularly. It is going to be very picture heavy! Love you grandpa! Enjoy!

3 months old!

Someone turned 3 months old not too long ago:

Alexa is growing like crazy, loves to "talk" since finding her voice, has the cutest little laugh, is starting to really hold her head up like a champ, and is in the beginning stages of rolling over already. Time flies!!

The work-life balance continues to be difficult on a daily basis but we are getting through it. I miss my little girl every day while at work but love coming home to her smile!

We recently met her birth family for lunch so she could enjoy some cuddle time with her birthparents. Alexa's birth sisters really liked seeing her. It was so sweet to see them interact. We will get to spend more time together in a few weeks when she is Baptized! So much love to go around for one little person!! God certainly had a great plan!!

The ship hasn't sank...yet!

Some days I really do feel like a boat slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean haha but most days my sails are soaring high and I am drifting along just fine. Anyways, I have really been wishing I had more time to blog lately but my mind has been so preoccupied on work and Alexa that I feel I hardly have any room for many other thoughts. We are still slowly settling into a routine now that I am back to work but WOW is it hard to find any time to do anything but eat, sleep and SURVIVE!

However, one thought that does often pop up in my head daily is just how thankful I am to have Alexa in my life. Tonight as Aaron and I were getting her ready for bed she was really sleepy and as we kissed her goodnight she smiled the sweetest smile that instantly melted both of our hearts. She is such a happy baby! I can hardly believe in a few days she will be 3 months old. We are so excited for her birthparents and sisters to see her soon. It is times like this that I know I wish we all lived even just a little bit closer. Adoption is awesome! One year ago when we started this process I would have never imagined the journey we have taken so far. It is amazing how one little girl has brought two families together, and how much joy and sadness this experience has filled all those involved.

 Happy as usual!!!

Not looking too thrilled about the bunny ears!

Easter morning

!

Getting ready to go on her first walk this spring. 

 Post-walk: She obviously enjoyed it so much she fell asleep.