It's a....

IT'S A...GIRL!!!! We got to be at the sonogram on Tuesday with the birthparents and it was amazing. I am so grateful to them for this experience. We never made it this far with our pregnancy (I miscarried 3 days before my 1st ultrasound) and the only ultrasounds I have had recently have been of my ovaries (not very exciting if you ask me). She was beautiful, moving around and even gave everyone a thumbs up. The birthparents wanted us to have the pictures (yet another gracious act) and we spent a wonderful 2 hours chatting with them over dinner. We can't wait to spend more time with them soon. They are so easy to talk to and such selfless individuals. Please continue to pray for a smooth process for everyone involved and a healthy baby GIRL in 2013!

quick update

Just wanted to check in tonight! We had a great weekend visiting with family and exploring Indianapolis in a different way than we did back in March. I wanted to let everyone know that I will not be posting updates to facebook any longer so please check back frequently for updates! We are looking forward to spending some time with the expectant parents this week. Hope you all have a blessed week!

Some of my favorites!

Making the Most of Every Opportunity

As usual I have many thoughts and updates so for the ease of reading I will number them.

1) We are still on cloud nine here about our match! I have so many things running through my head. We have so many things we can do around our house before the baby is here but really all I want to do right now is get to know the birthparents better. It is taking everything I got to not call them every day. I am planning on calling later this week to get more details/directions for the ultrasound and hopefully to just chat. I am looking forward to this phone call and for this week to go quickly. The plan right now is to go to the ultrasound and then out to dinner together!

2) I continue to do a great deal of reading about adoption and parenting in general. Right now I am reading "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge. I am liking it so far but think it will be an even better resource later in the child's life. A book I am really excited about reading and just downloaded to my Kindle is "Open Adoption Open Heart-An Adoptive Father's Inspiring Journey" by Russell Elkins.  You can purchase it here. It comes highly recommended not only for those touched by adoption but by anyone interested in adoption.

3) We ordered a bookcase today for the nursery, did some rearranging of the furniture, hung our window treatment and brainstormed other ideas that have been running through our heads. I have been asked again and again about having a baby shower before the baby is born and my typical response has been "no thank you" as my heart pounds with the fear of a failed adoption. Today I began to think differently about this after hearing the second reading at mass this morning.

Ephesians 5: 15-20
Be very careful, then, how you live —not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.   Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.   Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,    speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,  always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

A lot can be taken from this passage. You may find that something else speaks to your heart but the line that I underlined stood out to me today. I will be the first to admit that I am terrible at "making the most of every opportunity" but this situation is one in which my heart needs to be fully open despite my fears. One of the ways I can be open to this situation is by fully embracing all of the celebrations that come with expecting a child (so yes mom this is your formal invitation to start planning!). Day by day, hour by hour I can feel the love growing in my heart for this child and his or her birthparents.

4) I found this image when searching online for some adoption related items. The words got cut off but I think you get the point!

5) In other news I had my Tilt Table test on Friday and was officially diagnosed with Neurocardiogenic Syncope. If you missed my post about what that is you can find it here. I fainted at the end of the test which makes it a positive test. Since I am young and my body is functioning well otherwise the best recommendation they can give me is to increase my salt intake. Medications aren't going to work properly since I have normal kidneys and I would just push out the extra salt they provide. So anyways I was pretty much told to buy stock in Gatorade (guess I know what  sales I will be scouring the ads for every Sunday) and not be afraid of adding extra salt to my foods. I also need to make an extra effort to stay hydrated throughout the day. Although I didn't enjoy fainting in the doctor's office and experiencing those awful symptoms I am hoping that knowing these things will help in the long run.

6) A few people have asked us if they can help us prepare in anyway. Right now the best way you can help is by continuing to pray, pray, PRAY!

We are matched!!!!!!!!!

I still feel at a loss for words about this! We had a great conversation with the expectant parents last night and they informed us that they chose us to parent their baby. The baby is due January 14th. This will be an open adoption and it is the plan that we attend all ultrasounds prior to the birth. We get to go to the next one at the end of this month to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl! We feel so blessed to get to experience this with such an amazing couple! God is good! Thank you all so much for all of your prayers. We ask that you continue to keep us, the baby and the expectant parents in your prayers for a smooth process and healthy baby in 2013. I don't think it will really sink in that we are going to be parents until the baby is in our arms and welcomed into our home. I have heard many adoptive parents refer to a child "growing in their heart" (not in their tummy) during the process and I can now attest to that being the truth. We already feel so much love for this child that will only continue to grow for years to come.

A few interesting tidbits regarding this adoption that have come up as we have had time to ponder this situation:
1) The birthmom would have concieved on or near the date that we found out that our last fertility treatment failed.
2) The first ultrasound we will attend falls on the anniversary of our miscarriage in 2010. This will indeed be a bittersweet day!

It is so amazing how things work out sometimes and are clearly part of a bigger plan that I could not even being to imagine!

"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them." Psalm 139:16

Traveling Experts!

This past weekend was a whirlwind to say the least. I am going to make this a fairly quick update as I am feeling a bit under the weather and my couch and/or bed is calling my name.

I started feeling sick Thursday night and by Friday afternoon my cold was in full force-just in time for a crazy weekend. When I woke up Saturday I really did not know how I was going to make it through the weekend. However, after laying around most of the morning we packed up the car and started driving the 2 hours to our first destination. I am so thankful for cold medicine. I ended up feeling a little better by late afternoon and had a great time at our friend's wedding. It was so nice to see a lot of people we haven't seen in years! One of our friends introduced us to his girlfriend who was adopted. She was so sweet and it was great talking to her about the process and how she views her adoptive parents and birthfamily.

After a very restless night of sleep we woke up Sunday morning to travel another 2 1/2 hours to meet the birthparents we were emailed about earlier in the week. Both of us were so anxious about the meeting. I brought my Bible along in the car thinking maybe that would help to calm me. It did some but the whole way there I still worried some about how the meeting would go. Once we finally sat down with our agency director and the birthparents and started talking the nerves slowly went away. The meeting went really, really well in my opinion. I felt we connected and talking came easy. We laughed and joked and seemed to be very much on the same page. Overall, we left feeling great about the situation. We did everything we could do and now it is all in the hands of God. We hope and pray that this is our time and feel so blessed to have met these expectant parents. Adoption is amazing. I know I have said this before but I feel so grateful to be on this journey. I have already met so many incredible people and experienced and felt so much love  that I can't wait to see what the future holds. I will make sure to update when we learn of the decision. Until then, please pray for continued patience and strength during this time of waiting and that the expectant parents find peace in whatever decision they ultimately make.

We Got a Call!!!!

I have gone back and forth the past day about whether or not to post this news but decided that this is a great opportunity to continue to educate everyone about the inner workings of open adoption.

Yesterday we recieved a call from our agency director that a set of birth/expectant parents would like to meet us (as well as two other sets of adoptive parents)!! YAY!! I missed the phone call from our director as I had a super busy day at work but Aaron was able to talk to her and then tried to get a hold of me but couldn't. Talk about frustration! Anyways, I eventually checked my phone and saw a missed call from our agency and then a text from Aaron so I knew something was going on but not sure what. After hanging up the phone I went through a whole bunch of emotions. I was excited, nervous, and wanted to cry all at once and we haven't even been chosen yet. I said a prayer which calmed me down and went about the rest of my day as best as I could.

You might be a little confused at this point so let me explain. Some adoptions are closed (neither family meet or know eachother) and others are open or semi-open adoptions (the birthparents choose the adoptive parents; you exchange information and get to know eachother). Many adoptions are open or semi-open these days. Some are closed and that is fine. All situations are unique! Please note: This is a very quick explanation regarding the types of adoptions if you would like more information please refer to my book list.

In all of my posts about birthfamilies please keep in mind that I will not be sharing any identifying information. I will simply give the facts as that other information is not mine to give and confidential. We know a bit about the couple we will be meeting with and they know some about us already as well. What happens from here is they meet with the couples they have chosen so far, get to know us a little better, and continue to narrow down their choices. What many people say is the birthparents often get a good sense from these meetings about who they click with and who they don't. Like any relationship sometimes you have a lot in common and feel comfortable and other times you just don't mesh. We have no idea what the end result of this meeting will be. We don't know if we will ultimately be chosen to parent this baby but what we do know is we are excited to be given this chance to meet two awesome individuals who are trying to figure out how to give their child the best life possible. They love this little one so much and we can't wait to learn more about them!

I know I know you are wondering "aren't you going to be so upset if you aren't picked?" The answer is YES, but God has a plan and will make it alright. If we aren't meant to be this child's parents then another couple was chosen that this birthfamily clicked with and that is ultimately who should parent the child in the end. Tears will be shed I'm sure, but I am confident that our time will come and more importantly we will have learned a little more about what this amazing journey is all about.

Be still and quiet down

I am learning to "be still" this week. I am always thinking of the next thing to do or how to change things and have decided to spend more time in quiet with God. The daily devotion website (Girlfriends in God) I read challenged its readers to 10 extra minutes a day of "Sabbath" for the next week. Simply put, sit before the Lord and let him know you are there. I plan to read a psalm and reflect on it each morning in addition to a few other prayers. So I challenge you my readers (the few of you out there) to do the same. Reflect on how it changes your life. Before infertility and adoption I know I took my faith for granted. Don't let a trial in your life be what turns you over to God, start now so that you know what to do and whom to turn to when a trial does come your way.

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

This scripture verse always makes me think of this song. It was one of the first songs I heard on the WBCL (our local Christian radio station) when I started listening to it about 1 year ago. After listening to it I always feel a sense of empowerment and that God is truly working in my life.

I can't forget to show you all what I have been working on. Yet another reason to "be still" this week!

Oh and I almost forgot to share with you what we woke up to Saturday morning! This was amazing to see. Check out the one where it is right over our house. It was early enough and "still" enough at this time in the morning that we could hear the people in the basket having a conversation.

Get Ready!

Can you believe it is August already?  I used to dread this month as a child because it meant school was right around the corner and the end of our trips to the swimming pool. It doesn't make much of a difference as an adult. I am sure it would if I had a job in the school system but anymore it just feels like another month. This year I am particularly happy that it is August. That means we are one month closer to fall and cool, rainy (hopefully) weather. This heat that we have been having is driving me crazy! I am ready for 60 degree temperatures, jeans and sweatshirts, campfires (since it has been too hot most nights to really feel like having one), and football!

We have been busy planning and preparing again this week. After talking to my cousin Dana  I have some good ideas about how to better prepare and am excited to start making more lists. It will be awhile until the nursery is decorated and more put together but I promise to post pictures once it is complete.

 I go back and forth almost daily in regards to my emotions about getting the nursery ready and purchasing other baby items. For almost two years I didn't allow my brain to go there. Some days I feel like we are going to jinx ourselves by preparing for this dream but deep down I know this isn't true. As I mentioned before I have been reading about God's dreams for me as a woman and more recently how to dream again after shattered dreams. One of the topics at the end of the book touched on "getting ready". This really struck home since I have been having so many mixed feelings in this department. Sharon Jaynes writes, "God will supply what we need, but that doesn't mean we don't prepare ourselves". Sharon gives an example from her life about a dream to write a book someday. She wasn't sure how to go about fulfilling this dream but in the meantime she prepared. She gathered all sorts of materials to create her book and did a great deal of research. Then one day a publishing company who had heard about her through a magazine article approached her about writing a book. You guessed it! She didn't have to scramble to get ready because she was ready (well as ready as she could be). In a few short months her new book was being released. Her dream came true. No, it wasn't by the magic of some fairy godmother; she had to prepare. Of course God had a hand in it all coming together and preparation wasn't the only thing. We can prepare but we can't make it happen as that is up to God. Abraham Lincoln once said, "I will study and prepare myself and then someday my chance will come." This was prior to running for public office and becoming the President.

So, what have I learned from all this? That I too need to "study and prepare myself" for motherhood.  While waiting I can read books about childcare, adoption, and other topics that I won't have time for when I am a mom. I can create a safe and beautiful room for our child so that he or she feels the love and comfort immediately when entering our home. I can educate others about the topic of adoption and help other family members prepare for the arrival of a child through this amazing journey of love and loss. Most importantly, I can pray. I can pray for our unborn child and their birthmother. I can pray for a quick and speedy adoption journey, and I can pray for the strength to continue to pursue my dream of becoming a mother. However, I must always remember that it is all in God's hands. So I must also pray, Lord let not my will but Your will be done!

In other news, I had a doctor's appointment this week for my fainting episodes. I was pretty much told I do in fact have neurocardiogenic syncope but in order to find out if any medications will be of help I have to have more testing done. I had an ECHO completed yesterday which looked normal and will have to have a Tilt Table Test completed soon.

What is a Tilt Table Test you might ask? Well, it is used to officially diagnose neurocardiogenic syncope. Essentially I will lie on a flat table and then the table is moved to a nearly upright position, causing the blood to pool in the lower body. This causes less blood being returned to the heart and leading to less blood pumped and a drop in blood pressure. In normal people, the body will compensate by increasing the heartbeat and constricting the blood vessels to maintain a normal blood pressure. In people with neurocardiogenic syncope, the nerves do not work properly. The heartbeat continues to be slow and the blood pressure is low, which can lead to syncope. All symptoms will disappear when the table is lowered. So overall, the test would be positive if my blood pressure drops and I develop symptoms during testing. While I hope to get some answers from all of this I also hope to not feel completely ill following this test like I do many times after having a near fainting episode. Please pray for smooth testing!