Get Ready!

Can you believe it is August already?  I used to dread this month as a child because it meant school was right around the corner and the end of our trips to the swimming pool. It doesn't make much of a difference as an adult. I am sure it would if I had a job in the school system but anymore it just feels like another month. This year I am particularly happy that it is August. That means we are one month closer to fall and cool, rainy (hopefully) weather. This heat that we have been having is driving me crazy! I am ready for 60 degree temperatures, jeans and sweatshirts, campfires (since it has been too hot most nights to really feel like having one), and football!

We have been busy planning and preparing again this week. After talking to my cousin Dana  I have some good ideas about how to better prepare and am excited to start making more lists. It will be awhile until the nursery is decorated and more put together but I promise to post pictures once it is complete.

 I go back and forth almost daily in regards to my emotions about getting the nursery ready and purchasing other baby items. For almost two years I didn't allow my brain to go there. Some days I feel like we are going to jinx ourselves by preparing for this dream but deep down I know this isn't true. As I mentioned before I have been reading about God's dreams for me as a woman and more recently how to dream again after shattered dreams. One of the topics at the end of the book touched on "getting ready". This really struck home since I have been having so many mixed feelings in this department. Sharon Jaynes writes, "God will supply what we need, but that doesn't mean we don't prepare ourselves". Sharon gives an example from her life about a dream to write a book someday. She wasn't sure how to go about fulfilling this dream but in the meantime she prepared. She gathered all sorts of materials to create her book and did a great deal of research. Then one day a publishing company who had heard about her through a magazine article approached her about writing a book. You guessed it! She didn't have to scramble to get ready because she was ready (well as ready as she could be). In a few short months her new book was being released. Her dream came true. No, it wasn't by the magic of some fairy godmother; she had to prepare. Of course God had a hand in it all coming together and preparation wasn't the only thing. We can prepare but we can't make it happen as that is up to God. Abraham Lincoln once said, "I will study and prepare myself and then someday my chance will come." This was prior to running for public office and becoming the President.

So, what have I learned from all this? That I too need to "study and prepare myself" for motherhood.  While waiting I can read books about childcare, adoption, and other topics that I won't have time for when I am a mom. I can create a safe and beautiful room for our child so that he or she feels the love and comfort immediately when entering our home. I can educate others about the topic of adoption and help other family members prepare for the arrival of a child through this amazing journey of love and loss. Most importantly, I can pray. I can pray for our unborn child and their birthmother. I can pray for a quick and speedy adoption journey, and I can pray for the strength to continue to pursue my dream of becoming a mother. However, I must always remember that it is all in God's hands. So I must also pray, Lord let not my will but Your will be done!

In other news, I had a doctor's appointment this week for my fainting episodes. I was pretty much told I do in fact have neurocardiogenic syncope but in order to find out if any medications will be of help I have to have more testing done. I had an ECHO completed yesterday which looked normal and will have to have a Tilt Table Test completed soon.

What is a Tilt Table Test you might ask? Well, it is used to officially diagnose neurocardiogenic syncope. Essentially I will lie on a flat table and then the table is moved to a nearly upright position, causing the blood to pool in the lower body. This causes less blood being returned to the heart and leading to less blood pumped and a drop in blood pressure. In normal people, the body will compensate by increasing the heartbeat and constricting the blood vessels to maintain a normal blood pressure. In people with neurocardiogenic syncope, the nerves do not work properly. The heartbeat continues to be slow and the blood pressure is low, which can lead to syncope. All symptoms will disappear when the table is lowered. So overall, the test would be positive if my blood pressure drops and I develop symptoms during testing. While I hope to get some answers from all of this I also hope to not feel completely ill following this test like I do many times after having a near fainting episode. Please pray for smooth testing!