Here we go!!!

We got news from D & S last night. Looks like baby will be making her appearance sooner than we all expected (within the week or so)!!! I probably will not update now until after the baby is here, healthy and settled at home. Please pray for a healthy delivery, safe travels and strength for all during this time....

Glory to God in the Highest!

We had a fantastic weekend and start to all the week's Christmas festivities! Friday we were able to see a few friends and then celebrate my birthday and my sister's graduation later in the evening with my parents. Saturday I helped my mom get a few things around for a family Christmas party she was hosting for dinner. The grocery stores are crazy right now and even worse when you are shopping somewhere you don't normally shop! We had to forego dinner at my parents but for a good reason Saturday night. D had an ultrasound that afternoon so we traveled to see her, S and their girls. She had a great appointment (still on track for a due date of January 14th) and it was wonderful to spend time with them. This is only going to be a quick update as I am off to pack for more fun this week and get ready for a short day at work tomorrow. Merry Christmas everyone!

 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Luke 2:8-14). 

Helping Hands!

I know I posted last night and you are probably wondering what I am doing writing this post right now considering it's my birthday...I should be out celebrating right?

I had a quick phone call with D last night to confirm plans for this weekend and she told me a wonderful story about what some people are doing for the students at Sandy Hook Elementary. Please read here.

Not only did she share this with me she told me that she took paper and supplies to her daughter's preschool (per teacher okay) to create these hands for the class. It melted my heart. I knew from the moment I met her she was a wonderful person but to take this kind of time out of her extremely busy schedule made me realize even more the type of person she truly is.

The OT and COTA I work with chatted today about possibly doing this with our little patients as well. Spread the word, get involved and do something for the peace of mind of all the children at Sandy Hook.

LET IT SNOW!

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!!! Yes, I am one of THOSE people. I LOVE snow but I think it is a must when you have a birthday in December. No, I don't really want a blizzard but a few flurries here and there are nice. A light dusting on the ground in the morning would do or a few inches to cover all the brown grass and tree branches would put a smile on my face. My birthday is tomorrow and I am pretty sure last year was the first year that I can remember that it did not snow on my birthday so I am looking forward to the white stuff tonight and tomorrow.

We have a busy weekend what with a few Christmas parties and visiting the expectant parents again. We are going to an appointment with them and really looking forward to spending some time with them. Less than 4 weeks until the baby is supposed to make her appearance. We continue to pray for a smooth journey through this process, for the expectant parents, their family, the health of the baby and for calm hearts throughout it all. We know God has been at work since the moment we made this decision and He will see us through to the end.

Be The Good

Although I don't work in a school I do work with many children on a daily basis. It was hard going to work on Monday after everything that happened in CT on Friday. I felt blessed to be a part of my tiny patient's lives and didn't want to see many of them go. It brought a  new perspective to how quick life can come and go. My heart still hurts for all those lives lost and the evil that struck the world that day. God bless all those in Newtown!

Rejoice in All Your Troubles

This is what our pastor's message was today at church. His focus was on the tragedy in CT this past week and the questions that many of us are asking..."why?" and "what do we do?" It seems strange to "rejoice" after such an event but that is what we are instructed to do in today's readings at church. We are to rejoice because God is in our midst.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let all men know your forbearance. The Lord is at hand. Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Phillipians 4: 4-7). 

The deaths in CT made many of my recent complaints and burdens seem minimal. This past week I had learned of several couples experiencing failed adoptions after seemingly "perfect" matches. They experienced the birth, held and fed the baby and maybe even named the child but went home with an empty carseat. It is no secret this is a fear of many adoptive parents. I became very focused on these failed adoptions and started to feel some anxiety as well. I was quickly reminded today of my many blessings and where my focus should be right now in the hour I sat in the pew at church. Right now, at this very moment, I need to "rejoice". 

These verses were not new to me today in church but as always stirs a lot of emotion in my heart. It is difficult not to have anxiety in our lives, especially with all the recent tragedies in the news. I agree with our pastor today that we will probably all have some anxiety at some time or another no matter what. So what are we to do? The Bible tells us to:  ^"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12). It is so hard to rejoice in suffering and to remain faithful during dark times in your life. Today was a great reminder to me and I hope to many others that this is what God asks us to do.

___________________________________________________________________

On a completely different note here is a picture of a group of wonderful ladies who I spent my Friday evening with. This was after we finished caroling in the halls of a local nursing home. What a great experience!

12/12/12

I find it very interesting that today is 12/12/12 and there are exactly 12 days until Christmas. Do you think God knew that this day on the calendar would happen? I do, and I think it was very intentional and meant to stir the holiday spirit in those who may be struggling. Unless you live under a rock you would know the commotion that dates like today bring. Some people rushed to get married today or have babies today just so they could say that their anniversary or birthday is 12/12/12. Sure it may be easier for your child to remember their birthday or for your husband to remember your anniversary but if you look deeper than that I think it was meant to spark conversation about the glorious event that took place so long ago twelve days from now. Twelve days from now we will celebrate the birth of a baby who came to save us all from sin, A BABY! A baby who was born in a dusty, old manger with the smell of animals all around him. He could have been born in a castle but he was born in a manger and had a carpenter for a father. He grew up to perform thousands of miracles, took up his cross and died for all of us. A baby, a man, who walked this earth just like all of us. God works in the most unlikely places and through the most unlikely people. If you thought of today as nothing else than a strange coincidence or just something annoying that all of your co-workers were talking about I hope that this has made you think a little deeper about that measly date on your calendar.

Blast From the Past

We had a busy but fun-filled weekend. Saturday afternoon we went to Sauder Village to take part in their Lantern Tours. It was a great and new way to experience the village and learn about what Christmas would have looked like for many of our ancestors. It definitely opened our eyes to the simplicity of the season 100+ years ago and encouraged us to focus more on the true meaning of Christmas.

We have about 5 weeks until the baby is due. D had an appointment last week. She and the baby are doing well and we are really looking forward to seeing everyone again. The closer it gets the less focused I feel on other things around me. Not because this is the only thing I think about but because I have so many thoughts and feelings floating around in my head. We are trying to get a few things prepared that we will need to bring with us to the hospital and while we are staying in a hotel for a few days. I feel like starting now, or at least in a week or so, I will need to have my cell phone glued to me in the event that we get a phone call that D is in labor early. Her next appointment is the 18th and she was told that after that date if she goes into labor they will not be stopping it so anything could happen at that point. Please continue to pray for a the health of D and the baby, and a smooth adoption as the arrival of this baby girl gets closer and closer with each passing day!

Mary's Song

Hello! I know it has been awhile since my last post. I have been unusually busy. Over the weekend we had our first Christmas party. It was a lot of fun as usual. It was Christmas for my dad's side of the family which is always crazy but a good time. Here are a few fun pictures (and grandma, we are so happy you are back home!):

So although we had a blast over the weekend that means we were also out of town all weekend so nothing got done at home.  There has been grocery shopping, list making, laundry, cleaning, meetings and other odds and ends. I haven't even had much time for my typical prayer/reflection time and I can tell. I just feel out of sorts. I am sure it is a combination of being out of my normal routine and the realization that we have less than 6 weeks until a baby could be in our home! I have so many thoughts and feelings lately I don't know how to put it in words. I received a really sweet email from D last week. She has an appointment tomorrow to check on the baby so I can't wait to talk to her. It has been too long. With losing my voice the week before our only communication has been via Aaron, text, or 

email. 

It has been awhile since a song has affected me deeply, but today on my way home from work I was in my car listening to Christmas songs on the radio and I heard Amy Grant's version of "Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)" and found myself overwhelmed with emotion. The first verse about Mary being chosen to carry God's Son obviously didn't ring true for me, but the rest of the song felt like the cry of my heart lately. This is a song I have heard for years and years, I even sang it as part of my high school choir but the meaning of the words touched me today at this time in my life. I have recently been praying the Immaculate Conception Novena (the feast day is December 8th) so the fact that this particular song stuck out to me is really touching. 

Lyrics.....

I have traveled many moonless nights,

Cold and weary with a babe inside,

And I wonder what I've done.

Holy father you have come,

And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.

I am frightened by the load I bear.

In a world as cold as stone,

Must I walk this path alone?

Be with me now.

Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,

If a wiser one should have had my place,

But I offer all I am

For the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong.

Help me be.

Help me.

Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven.

Oh and please take note of what else we have been contending with lately (I don't think a day goes by that the ornaments stay on the tree)...

Unconditional Love!

Love this! Found this on a Facebook page I am part of (Open Adoption, Open Heart). This is also a really great book by Russell Elkins and a must read for anyone who is part of the adoption triad or interested more in the subject.  In our case I would want to switch out birthmother for birthparents. The birthfather in our match is very involved and a great father as well!

"Adoption isn't a birthmother's rejection but 

an unconditional love that inspires her to put

herself last and do all she can for her baby."

 - Birthmother

(By the way, I am typing this from our new MacBook Air. LOVE IT! We were really in need of a new laptop considering ours had to constantly be tethered to an outlet to work and our number 8 key was missing most of the time.)

HOPE & JOY

How was your Thanksgiving? We had a great weekend overall with family, food and football games! As I was eating my turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and pies I couldn't help but think about what next Thanksgiving might look like with a baby in our lives. I am sure I will be wearing much more of my food next year but can't wait for all those special milestones.

We put all of our Christmas decorations up this weekend. It is really the only time we have considering we already have one Christmas party this coming weekend and are busy every weekend from here on out. I love the way our house looks and feels with it decorated for the holidays. The first Christmas in our house I had bought several decorations, two of which are red, wooden words. One says, "JOY" and the other "HOPE". At the time I bought them only because I thought they would look nice and not so much for the meaning behind the words. Little did I know how much those two words would mean to me a few years later. Since that first Christmas we have always put the "HOPE" decoration on the mantel above our fireplace. Again, I have never really thought much about this until I sat down last night after all was said and done and staring right back at me in big red letters was a simple message..."HOPE". I said a little prayer right then and there thanking God. He is ever present in all things great and small, he knows the number of hairs on my head, the tears I have cried and the fact that I would be sitting on my couch at that very minute yearning to hear his voice. Amen!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes I am up early on Thanksgiving morning. Many of you probably enjoyed a few too many drinks last night (as seems to be the Wednesday before Thanksgiving tradition) and are still asleep. I on the otherhand was asleep very early last night. I have been sick the last few days, barely have a voice but am hanging in there. I am also very grateful that I do not have to work today so that I could sleep and rest my voice.

I wanted to post quickly today a link to another blog that I follow. The woman who writes and her husband are adopting a little boy from Russia (THIS WEEK!). They have such an awesome story and it truly sheds light on what thanksgiving should be...a time to praise our Lord for all our blessings no matter how great or small.

Enjoy!

Oh Look What God Has Done!

Happy Monday!

I hope this post finds many of you anticipating the upcoming holiday on Thursday. I know I am looking forward to spending a day full of family, football and feasting. We had a wonderful Sunday with D & S, their daughters, my parents and Aaron's parents. Each time we get together with D & S my love for them grows. They are amazing individuals and so easy to talk to. It is impossible at this point anymore to not be attached to this situation and these people. They have welcomed us into their lives, their home, and their hearts. I hope they feel we have been doing the same. Conversation was great throughout our visit and I think we all got to know eachother a litle better. D has another appointment tomorrow. We will be praying for a growing baby girl and continued health for D. With the holidays coming up I don't think we will be getting together until D's 36th or 37th week (around the end of December) when she is due to have another ultrasound. This could all change pending upcoming appointments so we are being as flexible as possible. I think we would all like to see eachother one more time before the baby arrives so we will be trying our hardest to make that happen.

Redeemed!

I am so excited it is the weekend! We get to see D & S again which will be much better than having to communicate via phone, text, or email. Don't get me wrong, I love our conversations but sometimes it is better to talk face to face. I have been feeling very emotional lately about everything. We have less than 9 weeks until the baby's due date. Besides a few things here and there we are ready to welcome a child into our home. It comes at another's expense, however, and I cannot help but be sad that another has to lose a child in order for us to gain a child. At the same time I am so happy this is going to be an open adoption so that this baby will know where she gets the color of her hair, her funny laugh or other small quirks that will make her unique. I am so happy we will all visit eachother and hope that over time our relationship will grow and change as we all do.

More and more I get asked the question, "what happens if they change their mind?" While this is in the back of my mind that is where it stays most of the time. I cannot dwell on this constantly. This baby is not ours right now and we know that. I have had several others look at me in disbelief over the fact that this could happen. Adoption is a crazy (but AWESOME) process with many rules and regulations. We will deal with the situation if it arises. We will be sad but will also know that this was not the child intended for us. I know I say this over and over again but God has a plan for you, for us, for this child and for its' expectant parents. Only God knows what will truly happen in the next 8 weeks.  Knowing this my job is to "be still" and let Him do His work. This is harder than it sounds, believe me, but it is really the only choice I have to stay sane throughout this time of waiting.

As the holiday season approaches this time of waiting does become more difficult. I feel surrounded by babies, children and happy families. While knowing that this baby will be born soon fills me with joy it is still hard to hear others talk so lighthearted about their children, pregnancy and childbirth. Please know that if I am not quick to return your calls or fail to attend a party it has less to do with you and more to do with my emotions. I have come a long way from feeling like I would never be able to attend another baby shower but it does not mean that I don't have a lump in my throat the entire time I am congratulating you. At one point in this week I was having a tough time dealing with all of the upcoming festivities. This morning my devotion reminded me of the struggles of others in times past and how God often works in these struggles. Please take a few minutes to read it if you can, it is worth it!

Ashes to Beauty

 

For I know that my Redeemer lives. (Job 19:25)

 

 

 

Prayers from Above

For quite some time I have been telling Christine I plan to write something on this blog and not just because she has asked me several times in the last month.  While sitting here at the computer this sunny Sunday afternoon typing up prayers my grandfather had written down on scrap pieces of paper, it occurred to me that now would be a great time to do a blog post.

I have been wanting to type up these notes my Aunt sent me for awhile as well and finally had some time today. It was very common to be at my grandpa’s kitchen table and see what looked like scribbles to me written on napkins, junk mail or any other piece of paper that had room to write on.  Little did I know that what I once thought were just scribbles would turn out to be much more.  My grandpa was a very wise and loving man, someone that just knew he had a good relationship with God.  In his last years, he was truly ready to be with the Lord, and many others who passed before him.  One of the thoughts I came across that he had written down was from Proverbs: “A man’s greatest treasure is his wife; she is a gift from the Lord!” (18:22).

 I could not agree more with this verse. Grandpa knew how to love, how to respect, and how to appreciate the small things in life.  As I think back to the relationship he and grandma had, I often think to myself that I hope I can forever keep that candle burning between Christine and I even after one of us passes before the other.  Christine wrote on the blog how thankful she is to have me in her life (which I do find myself to be a pretty good catch lol) but I 100% believe I am the luckier one.  I have a wife who is intelligent, compassionate, strong, and has a truly healthy relationship with the Lord.  Christine has kept her head high when considering our bumpy journey to becoming parents. I am so proud of her strength and courage.

 One thing is for certain, I owe so much to grandpa because this journey would have been a lot harder if his grace, presence and love were not instilled in us as a young couple.  Grandpa set a great example for those who met him. I often think to the last good conversation I had with grandpa and Christine.  We had gone to visit with him on a sunny November day much like today.  When we were getting ready to leave, grandpa said to Christine and me, “I’ll be praying for a bouncing baby for you two.”   He said this with such a big smile and warm heart. That was the last time Christine ever saw grandpa.   Whether this adoption goes as we pray or not I know grandpa is up there every day, praying for Christine and me to be able to start a family. For those who have been following every post, thank you, and for those who just began following our blog I hope it can help you and others when struggling to find faith in God even during the most challenging times.

 

God bless you all,

Aaron

 

 

from Christmas 2010

A Month of Thanksgiving!

I have been wanting to write a post all week but the evenings have really gotten away from me. Last weekend we had two of our nephews spend the night. It has become a yearly tradition and was started as a way to celebrate Aaron's Godson's birthday rather than only doing a gift of some sort. Building a fort, watching a movie and eating popcorn and pop was by far the highlight of the weekend.

This week has been busy too. I had a meeting one night, got my hair cut another, and then had a work function yet another night so didn't get home until later than usual. I also had to catch up with D this week so one night we spent over an hour talking on the phone about life, adoption and recipes (I love our relationship and pray, pray, pray that it continues to grow!).

Can you believe it is already November 10th? I hope National Adoption Month has been treating all of you well and that you have been spreading the word! Now that the elections are over our Congress have some important matters to tackle. One being the Adoption Tax Credit. If you haven't done so already please think about writing to your senator or state representative about this topic. It is so vitally important to many families and more important to the children. You can find this link on our homepage but just in case you missed it here it is again. It will help you get started writing a letter and gives other ideas on how to advocate for adoption.

Thanksgiving is only two weeks away as well. This means that we really only have about 9 weeks until the baby makes her appearance in this world! We are ready (or as ready as we are going to be lol)! D has been feeling well, measuring right on track, and the heartbeat sounds good too. Please continue to pray for her and S. They have a lot on their plate (D is not only pregnant but works and goes to school full time; they also have two children at home full of lots of energy) and as the due date approaches we only expect emotions to be running high.

This month has also been a great time to reflect on what I have been blessed with and am thankful for. Many of you have been doing this daily via facebook posts which is awesome. Since I am late in making these daily posts I wanted to just take a few minutes to say how thankful I am to all of you who read this blog. I often pour out my heart and thoughts into my posts. When I started this blog I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know who or how many people would really read it or be affected by it. My intention was mostly to keep friends and family up-to-date about our journey but it has turned into something more than that. I have readers from Russia, Canada and South Africa, and many of my posts have recieved well over 150 hits at a time. People who I have not talked to for years have made contact with me to tell me their story or how a certain post made them think, smile and appreciate life. It has opened the hearts and minds to many who do not understand adoption and especially open adoption. I hope that this blog can continue to be a place for many to come and read about God's many blessings (no matter how big or small) and how He is always working in your life. Thank you and be the one to give thanks to God for all his blessings!

 

“As he entered a village, ten men, all lepers, met him. They kept their distance but raised their voices, calling out, ‘Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!’ Taking a good look at them, he said, ‘Go, show yourselves to the priests.’ They went, and while still on their way, became clean. One of them, when he realized that he was healed, turned around and came back, shouting his gratitude, glorifying God. He kneeled at Jesus’ feet, so grateful. He couldn’t thank him enough – and he was a Samaritan. Jesus said, ‘Were not ten healed? Where are the nine? Can none be found to come back and give glory to God except this outsider?’ Then he said to him, ‘Get up. On your way. Your faith has healed and saved you’” (Luke 17:12-19, MSG)

National Adoption Month!

Happy National Adoption Month!

November 1st marks the beginning of this awesome month! Please share my blog post with everyone you know. Spread the word!

I was catching up on facebook and came across this great video that was posted to the Open Adoption, Open Heart website. Check it out:

Brave Love

Pictures pictures and more pictures!

 

I don't feel much like writing today but wanted to share a few pictures I have taken recently. We just got a new camera so I have been playing around with it to make sure I like it.

 

 

 I LOVE fall! This is a picture of our front porch. I think fall colors are so warm and inviting.

 Our fireplace all decorated!

 

 Beautiful trees by our house!

 

 A project I decided to work on at the spur of the moment for the nursery.

 

 

 Our spoiled cats!

 

These are the pumpkins we decorated at the cookout with D & S a few Sundays ago. We had such a great time. Isn't that spider cute!

On my own

Yesterday and today I traveled to Ann Arbor, MI for a CEU course called the PLAY project (http://www.playproject.org/). I am LOVING it and learning so much. I would really like to get completely trained to be a home consultant someday. The energy the doctor has who developed this program is amazing. The research is out there that it works and it gives me hope that all children with Autism can improve their social skills and participate in our world someday.

I have had a great time getting to spend some alone time in the car, learn something new and sit in a cute little cafe drinking a cafe mocha while I wait for the second day of my class to begin. However, I miss my husband. I didn't realize how much time we truly have been spending together lately until this morning when I missed his voice. Since the beginning of our infertility journey we have traveled to countless appointments together and since April we have been fully consumed in the adoption process. Throughout all of this I don't think I can remember a time I really was without him. I am so grateful to God this morning for blessing me with such a strong and loving husband. Infertility and adoption are not for the faint of heart. It tests the strongest of marriages. Our trial is not over and probably never will be but God has shown me what the power of prayer can do. He has given me everything I need and one of the most faithful shoulders to lean on that this earth can provide. I love you Aaron! Thank you for your patience and being willing to stick through this journey of life with me.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials; knowing this that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, lacking in nothing." James 1: 2-4

Quick update

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. We made the most of our two days off by bouncing between our house, my parents house and visiting the expectant/birth parents (because I am tired of writing that I will be referring to them as D & S) at their house. Yes, it was another whirlwind of a weekend but worth it!

My sister, Laura, traveled with us to see D and S, meet their daughters and D's mom and grandma. It was such a beautiful day. D went above and beyond for the cookout! I made this amazing dessert. We ate great food, carved pumpkins, watched football, chatted, and played outside. It is still so amazing to me how comfortable I feel with them and their family as I get to know them. D's belly continues to grow each time we see her. She is such a great mother and S is such a great father to their girls. We continue to hope and pray for this adoption to go smoothly, for our relationship with D and S to continue to grow, for a healthy baby girl to be born in a few months, and for God's guiding hand throughout it all.

No Regrets!

I just experienced one of the most powerful and moving testimonies of faith tonight. Aaron and I attended a parish gathering again tonight and were blessed to hear this amazing man speak. Robert Rogers is a name I had never heard of until tonight but his life and his faith were changed in such a profound way 9 years ago that you MUST listen to and read about his story. He lives by the motto "know God, no regrets". I don't think 2 years ago I could say I knew God and had no regrets but today I believe I am living my life in such a way and am so grateful to our Lord above. I even say so in the first paragraph of my last blog post. God is funny that way. I feel at such a loss for words this evening and feel so blessed to have been a part of this experience tonight.

I have been wanting to write a new post the last few nights but have been going to bed early so this will have to do for now. I had a wonderful conversation with our birthmother last week. She had another baby appointment. All is well despite having to be poked multiple times to have blood work completed (poor girl!). We are visiting with more of their family and meeting her mom and grandma. I am ecstatic. She talks about her "Gram" all of the time. We are planning to have a cookout with lots of yummy food and carve pumpkins. A messy but fun idea and a chance to show off our creative sides!

We have also been busily making list after list of baby names recently and finally have it narrowed down to a select few. The birthfather asked us how our list was coming along so we sent them what we had so far, noting our particular favorite. He LOVED it. God's hand is, and has truly been, at work throughout this journey. I couldn't have come up with a better plan myself!

A journey not a destination!

A few weeks ago Aaron and I were talking about what the last year of our life has looked like. During that conversation Aaron asked me if I regret any of the decisions we have made along the way, specifically IVF. While I struggled with this decision when we were making it I feel I can honestly say now that I have no regrets. Had we not embarked on that specific leg of our journey I don't know if we would be where we are today. After our failed IVF everything for this adoption has fallen into place.

I have been meeting with a group of wonderful women monthly, several who are Catholic. When sharing my story I knew I needed to include our failed IVF but was nervous at their reactions. However, they reacted with such grace that at first I thought they didn't hear me right. This made me realize that I have probably been making myself feel like other Catholic women, and Catholics in general, would shun me as soon as finding out what I had done.

We talked for a few minutes about IVF and other fertility procedures. It was amazing to me to find out that like me, they all see it as part of a plan, God's plan. What is right for one person/couple, may not be for another. IVF felt right to Aaron and I. We felt strongly that we had to try one time before stopping treatments. It gave both of us peace to see the embryos we created, even though we only had them for a brief period of time. Our faith was in God during the procedure. Faith that he would guide our doctor's hands. I think that faith makes all of the difference.

Another question was posed to me recently. I was asked how to not get attached to a child before adoption is finalized. My answer was, "that's not possible". At least not for me. I am a love with all your heart type of girl. The moment that pregnancy test read positive I fell in love with our child, the second our doctor handed over pictures of the embryos we created together I became attached and loved with all my heart. As soon as I recieved the phone call from our agency that a set of expectant parents wanted to meet us, a flicker of love began. It grew after meeting the expectant parents for the first time and has continued to grow as I realize their love for their child and their reasons for making an adoption plan. The one thing I want this precious little girl to know from her very first breath is how LOVED she is. No matter how short or how long of a time I get to love it does not matter. This is part of our journey of life and I am going to live it up and love with all my heart!

"Life is a journey, not a destination."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good Morning!

I have been up for well over an hour now! It is Sunday morning and I am not entirely sure why I am up so early. I am not even up this early during the week on some days. Nothing in particular seemed to wake me. Usually if I wake up early it is because the cats are bothering me for food or I have to use the restroom, but today the house was peaceful and I sure felt comfy in my bed.

Nevertheless, I am awake. Awake enough to start a load of laundry or go to the gym. As I walked out to our living room I remembered a blog post from another woman saying that when she wakes early she uses it as a time to spend with God. So since it is way to cold out this morning to do anything but sit on the couch with my robe, a blanket, and a cup of coffee that is what I did.

I opened my bible to 1 Peter and just started reading. However, I  wasn't feeling connected to the scriptures or to God so I prayed, well more like started talking out loud, to God (it is a good thing Aaron is still in bed lol). I asked God to show me/tell me what he wanted me to know this morning. So I closed my Bible, closed my eyes and just let it fall open to any old page. The page that it landed on I would start reading until I felt my prayer had been answered. When I opened my eyes it was on page 848 which was the ending of Jeremiah 28 and the beginning of Jeremiah 29. So I picked up at Jeremiah 29 and started to read and came to the ever famous scripture verse "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). I knew this is what God had intended me to see. Even though I have seen it and read it many times before it caused my heart to stir, open up and the rest of my prayers this morning came easy.

Although I often say this verse to myself multiple times throughout the month when I am feeling anxious about anything, reading it this morning was a nice reminder that God truly means what he says. Struggling with infertility can make you feel punished by God, like you did something wrong in your former life and now deserve to be barren forever. Afterall, aren't children a blessing from God, and isn't having children what God intended married couples to do? If we can't have children then God must be punishing us in some way, right? For two years this thought has often crept into my head! This particular scripture verse has been a lifesaver to me. I know we talked about it in school when I was younger but until my sister-in-law reminded me of it after our miscarriage I hadn't given it much thought (Praise be to God for putting certain people in your life, thank you Jamie!). It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this promise from our Father and some days I still find myself struggling. It helps for me to think that this season of suffering through infertility and waiting throughout this adoption process is just that, a "season", a period of time that is all part of God's plan.

Weekend update!

This week has really gotten away from me. I wanted to post earlier in the week about our awesome weekend but have had so much to catch up on here at home after getting home from work that by the time I sit down to blog I fall asleep on the couch lol! I even tried to stay awake for the debate last night but only made it to a few banters back and forth regarding healthcare before passing out!

We got together again with the birthparents this past weekend and also met their children. What sweet and fun girls they have! We took several pictures as they were okay with it and even encouraged us to share them. While I would love to post them I still feel I need not cross that line and respect their privacy at this time by only sharing with family and friends in person. We had such a great time getting to know each other. It is amazing to me how natural this feels despite how nervous I always seem to be before a meeting. We enjoyed some of the nice weather last weekend by spending some time outside at a park and then having dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese. It was a great day overall. I can't say enough about the birthparents. They are amazing individuals for sure and wise beyond their years. I can't help but feel so blessed by God for this opportunity.

Only 3 more months until the baby is here! I am so excited but anxious about how the time in the hospital will unfold. I am sure the birthparents feel similiar and just hope that all of our time spent getting to know eachother will help us all along that particular leg of this journey.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6

Finally Fall!

What a beautiful weekend it is turning out to be. The weather was absolutely gorgeous today. I love fall! Aaron and I spent the day at Sauder Village again. He was technically working and I was volunteering, but the work feels much more like fun than actual work. This weekend was Apple Butter Making Days. It is usually very busy and they needed extra hands to help peel and core apples for the apple butter demonstrations. We also helped supervise the straw maze. It is amazing how much joy a simple activity like a straw maze can bring to kids. So many of them would hesitate to go into the maze themselves. They would often stare at me like I was some crazy lady asking them to jump off a cliff at first but with a simple, "I promise you won't get lost, I will be here to help you" they took their first tentative steps into the entrance. A few minutes later I would see their little heads bobbing up and down nearing the exit. As they turned the corner they had a huge smile on their faces asking to go again! I was quickly reminded of the scripture that was read in church last weekend:

"And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:2-4

Oh to have such child-like faith!!

We are meeting-up with the birthparents again tomorrow afternoon. This time we get to meet their two daughters as well. I am a big ball of nerves but excited too! Please pray for all of us as we continue on this journey together.

Adoption Pictures

Yesterday Aaron and I spent several hours with our high school friend Heather Pohlman. She owns her own business (Heather Marie Photography) taking the most FABULOUS pictures of anything and everything you can imagine. You can check out some of her work here: www.heather-marie.com

Here are some of the pictures she took to help us capture our excitement regarding the adoption process and arrival of a child into our family!

Coincidence? How about a "God-incidence"!

I know it has been over a week without any updates. Life has been so busy around here. Work is crazy and I have been having to stay later than usual. On top of that, as you know, I have joined a women's group at church and we are also attending a weekly one hour adult group on Wednesday nights that our church has put together. This past Wednesday was the kick-off and they had this speaker:

http://guslloyd.com/

He spoke about 11 attributes of a magnetic christian (he also wrote a book about this). It was awesome! He also spoke a great deal about how he no longer has the word coincidence in his vocabulary as he believes there is no such thing. Rather, he calls those moments a "God-incidence". More than ever in my life I believe this. God truely puts situations and people in your life for a reason and for a greater good. During his speech I was reflecting on several moments lately in my life that I could pinpoint a "God incidence". One in particular was the day we decided we would be adopting a child sometime in our life.....

The night before our "God-incidence" Aaron and I had an argument. This was back in January/February. I don't really remember anymore what it was specifically about but my guess is it had something to do with our infertility. At this time our emotions, at least my emotions, were not under control regarding this matter. We were embarking on our first IVF after a failed IUI. I was devastated, wanted to keep pursuing treatments, felt like I was being led to give IVF at least 1 attempt and liked my doctor a lot. However, I also struggled with the Catholic belief surrounding fertility treatments (this will be another topic sometime). In the midst of our argument we parted and tried to cool off in separate rooms of the house (It wasn't until months later that Aaron told me during that time he got on his knees and prayed). Later that evening we forgave eachother for our actions and had a much more mature discussion about our situation. I remember both of us saying things like, "I wish God would just tell us what we are supposed to do".  We finally went to bed as we were exhausted by that point. Little did we know God had a big plan in the works for us the very next morning.

For whatever reason, neither of us can remember anymore, either Aaron left for work later than usual or I left earlier and we ended up being in our cars on the way to work at the same time. About 15 minutes down the road I heard a radio announcement on the WBCL that started something like this.."Have you ever considered adoption as a way to start your family?" They continued to talk about adoption and gave a specific website that I did not catch. I turned the radio up and continued to listen. I was floored. Weren't we just talking about this last night? I immediately tried to call Aaron but couldn't get through. Tried again and still couldn't get through. A few seconds later my phone rang...it was Aaron! He was trying to call me as I was trying to call him. He had heard it too (at this time Aaron did not regularly listen to this radio station but happened to have it on that morning)! Neither of us caught the entire web address that they were talking about and told eachother to listen throughout the day to see if they would announce it again. They never did. This was a one time only message. WOW! I get chills everytime I think about it.

That night when we got home from work we tried to search for the website and eventually found it. Here is the link for those that are interested: http://www.adoptionjourney.com/

This moment changed our lives forever. While we continued to pursue IVF in March our hearts were opened to the thought of adoption more and more. When our treatment failed we hardly had to discuss what our next step was going to be. Although all "God-incidences" are miraculous we will be forever grateful for this particular moment.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Listen for His voice

Well I definately don't have any exciting news like my last post but will do a small update today anyways. We are still moving along week by week. The birthmother and I have been emailing and texting back and forth quite a bit. I really do enjoy talking and planning with her. We have a lot in common and similar personalities. I continue to pray for our relationship to grow so that when January rolls around the rest of this process goes as smooth as possible for all of us. We are all planning on getting together again at the end of this month and again in October so we can meet some of their extended family.  She has several appointments, as most pregnant women do, with her doctor and it is the plan right now to for sure make it to the next ultrasound later in the pregnancy (sometime in the 3rd trimester). She is around 21 weeks right now, so halfway there!

The nursery is mostly done except for a few other knick knacks here and there. I have been busily making lists of what we will need right away after the baby is born and what can wait until we have a shower. The plan right now is to wait to do a big shower until after the baby is born and then have more of a "meet the baby/welcome home" party/shower. This set up makes me feel the most comfortable even though I would love to do it beforehand. Aaron has been spending time fixing things that have needed fixed for some time around the house and planning other projects before we don't have time anymore.

I recently joined a "challenge" group of women at our church. It is essentially a share group for women seeking to be R.E.A.L (Radical, Encouraged, Accountable, Loving). We will be meeting once a month for one hour at a local coffee shop to discuss our struggles, how we want to improve that struggle in the next month with God's grace and pray for and with eachother.

Radical: we desire to radically answer the call to follow Christ as young women in the twenty-first century instead of blending into the culture. We seek to cooperate with God's grace in pruning areas of sin, weakness, and hardship. We want to live our lives in a way that gives Him glory and leads other to His Way.
Encouraged: as woment, we need a safe place to share our hearts, the areas in which we are struggling the most, the pieces of our lives most in need of prayer. We form a sisterhood for sharing, knowing we are not alone on our journey to Heaven.
Accountable: we are serious about holiness, but we know the flesh is weak. We will strive to keep each other accountable in areas of sin, weakness, to encourage each other in areas that need growth. Having monthly reflection helps keep us motivated and supported as we cooperate with God's grace at work in us.
Loving: It all comes down to love. True, Christ-like love. We want to follow His example of love in action both within our sisterhood as well as with our friends and family when we leave. We want to learn how to love as He loves.

The woman who thought of/started this group works at the same hospital as I do but in a different area/wing. Our paths don't cross all that often and I only sometimes happen to be at the same mass as her on Sundays. I actually met her a few weeks after our miscarriage in 2010 and attended a group back then but my heart was not ready. My faith was weak at that time and I needed to sort things out on my own. A few weeks ago I began to think of her again and happened to see her at the vending machines by my office. I didn't say anything to her about joining the group again that first day. Then I saw her again the next day at the same place. I felt my heart stir but felt silly approaching her after initially falling off the face of the earth. However, I saw her again for the third day in a row (this is rare). I knew God was telling me something and she felt it too. I finally approached her and inquired about getting back on her email list. She responded so graciously and told me about this new "challenge" group that was starting up. Two days later we got a call from our adoption agency that a set of birthparents wanted to meet us. I truly believe the Holy Spirit was at work that week. I didn't even need to say so as my friend said it for me the first night our share group came together. It is amazing how the Lord can work in your life when you listen to Him. So often I let other voices drown out His.

“Blessed are your eyes because they see,” Jesus said, “and your ears because they hear,”

(Matthew 13:16).